Posts Tagged ‘Ramón’

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act your age.

August 4, 2010

The other night I was on the phone to Toby walking through Tesco when I was stopped in my tracks by the sight of a big cuddly Hello Kitty in a half-price toys bin. I checked the price (£10), fell in love with it, plucked it out of the bin and kept walking, all the while telling Toby what I had just done.  He chuckled at me, as people often do when confronted with my weakness for cute cuddly toys. However, all my friends know what I am like by now, and my family does too – they think it’s part cute, part bizarre, part they just shake their heads in despair.  The cashier at Tesco thought my mum was joking when, in response to what age the toy was aimed at, my mother gave me a glance and a grin.

In my bedroom at home, Hello Kitty joins my menagerie of Nemo, Ramón, Bing and Bong the white seals, Pikachu & a giant dog called Doug. I guess I always loved cuddling stuffed animals and teddy bears ever since I was a child, and they are soft and warm and comforting. They all come off the bed at night, except for in the winter when it’s cold and I want the weight of something on top of me to make me feel more cocooned and warm (hopefully Toby is my grown-up replacement! 😉 ).  They make me feel at once whimsical and cosy.

Unlike Taylor Lautner, who keeps me warm in a very different way:

After much deliberation and resisting buying the Eclipse poster in the cinema, I finally caved and bought the above poster yesterday in HMV, which is now framed on my wall as you can see. When I was with Toby (although it is in a slight ironic way, I do really enjoy the Twilight Saga!) queuing for Eclipse, I pointed out the poster and was tempted to buy it; the same happened when I was queuing for the same film with Karina, Davina and Deena. Both times I resisted, and Toby’s teasing reproach was that “get it if you want, if you have no problems with having pictures of teenage boys on your bedroom wall”.  Well, when he put it like that… I was briefly shamed into restraint, but as they say, resistance is futile.  Anyway, Lautner is 18 and therefore a legal adult, as well as a total hottie (far more than Robert Pattinson, at any rate).

Both of these purchases made me think that I’ve always had a certain kind of taste for both men and cuddly toys. I’ve not changed in that respect since I was young; I like big cute stuffed animals and I like sexy men; I doubt this will change from 13 to 30 to beyond. As a teenager, my appreciation of teddy bears was considered a cute throwback to childhood in the face of so many pressures of adolescence and incipient adulthood. And it’s natural to find others attractive as you become in touch with your sexuality: I always was attracted to people who were older than me when I was a teenager, and now it’s to people who are the same age as me.  Perhaps I’m an eternal late teen? Unlike Mariah Carey who claims she is “eternally 12”, perhaps I’m eternally 19. After all, Taylor may be 18 but he has a better body than most people in their 20s, and when sexualised as he is both above and in the Twilight Saga films, he comes off as early twenties rather than a teen. That’s my defence and I’m sticking to it, but while I physically age, my mentality and preferences will evolve and mature in some respects, but I guess that some of my tastes will remain constant.  This is just who I am, and I think that it’s very healthy to be in touch with your inner child and indulge that fun-loving, fresh side of your personality. 🙂

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ii.

October 23, 2009

4 slide me

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iv.

October 21, 2009

teddy bear

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in the dark.

August 26, 2009

So it’s 9:25pm and about 10 minutes ago, I just woke up.  I must have fallen asleep after going for a quick lie down on my bed, imagining drifting away in the arms of Edilson Nascimento and cuddling my teddy bear.  I was pretty tired after a day at work where I actually had Things To Do (though that was because I was helping out one of my colleagues who got yelled at by a senior person).  So I got home, had a pizza for my dinner, watched Come Dine With Me (the people on that show deserve a good slap, they are so narcissistic and possibly insane!) and The Simpsons, and then went to my bed for a lie down.

That is exactly what I did.  15 minutes ago, I woke up, my feet a little cold (I was lying on top of the bed, rather than in it), in pitch black darkness.  My immediate thought was “What time is it?”  I was convinced that it must be tomorrow morning, and that the sounds of the television downstairs were my mother watching a programme as she put her make-up on (her morning ritual).  It was dark, so I guess it would have been 5:30-6am (my mother gets up at 5am on a morning when she has work).  But my instinct just said that it was the morning.  I was then a muddle of thoughts which included:

  • Why can’t I remember what I was dreaming about? (Have my vivid escapade-dreams come to an end? I know I dreamed something but can’t remember what)
  • Do I have to get up yet? (I think this every morning also.  And if it’s past 9:30, I feel guilty that I haven’t gotten out of bed)
  • I haven’t written on my blog! (ah, the dedication)
  • Did my nan call? I need to speak to her! (She is off to Italy tomorrow, my uncle is picking her up at 1:30 pm.  I speak to her every night between 9:30 and 10pm because that is what we have always done, and if she called then my parents don’t usually pick up the phone, because I am the house receptionist.  If I was asleep, I could not be the receptionist, so I might not have been able to speak to her before she left for Italy… though I would likely have lunch before 1:30 tomorrow.  But it still made me anxious).

I turned on the light and the clock said 9:15pm.  I was like “What? It’s still today?!?”  Disappointed that I had to go to sleep all over again (if I ever GET to sleep.  Early nights do not agree with me, and nor does fucking with my sleep pattern), I was nevertheless relieved because I could have a shower without having to rush tomorrow morning, and I was able to speak to my nan at our usual time without disturbing her or missing her call.  So all is fine, and now I am still in the dilemma of trying to avoid a snack before I go to sleep (something I would have nicely sidestepped if I had fallen asleep until tomorrow morning!).

Curiously, I still feel quite groggy, even after having a shower (which should have refreshed me / rewoke me somewhat), so I’m just lying on my bed (sans Edilson) watching the Angry Video Game Nerd on youtube, and contemplating whether I can be bothered to get Beauty and the Beast from downstairs, and if I do this, whether I will avoid eating a Mars Delight which is actually calling to me from the cupboard downstairs.  Its voice is loud and insistent.  Help me resist!  God knows what time I will finally get to sleep for real, I probably will end up eating something :S Urgh, frustration!  A note for the future: don’t fuck with my sleep, or I will not be happy.  Hmph.

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teddy bear.

August 6, 2009

Something that I think surprises people who are getting to know me is my fondness for cute teddy bears and stuffed animals.  My bed is covered with them: among other things, I have a Bambi head, two seals, a giant Nemo and a talking Pikachu.  I walked into a gift shop the other day and could not keep my eyes off the giant Hello Kitty.  I don’t know why I love stuffed animals so much – of course I find them cute, and they’re a nice concession to my childhood that most people think is sweet.  After all, who doesn’t like stuffed animals?  But at the same time, I am a grown man who is nearly 24 years old, and yet I still go to sleep at night cuddling a giant teddy bear named Ramón (my mother’s choice of name).  It’s beautiful and reassuring, but perhaps a little immature at this point!

Me & Ramón (aww!)

Me & Ramón (aww!)

Bizarrely enough, sharing a bed with somebody is something I enjoy a lot less.  Obviously, when I’m trying to be awake, cuddling is nice and reassuring and comforting, but when I am trying to sleep, the overwhelming body heat of somebody who keeps rubbing up to me, trying to hold me and put their arms around me (usually in awkward, uncomfortable positions) is a little irritating.  I’m not trying to say “dick me up and go home”, and I’m not trying to say that I don’t appreciate the sentiment of someone wanting to be close to me, but when it comes to sleeping, I want my own space and room to breathe.  I am a fussy sleeper and I don’t like noise, I don’t like light (though at home I can sleep with the curtains open because nothing overlooks my window, other than the moon) because otherwise I will focus on these things and be unable to stop fixating.  There have been times when I have had to take the batteries out of my clocks because the ticking would keep me awake for hours.  And you know how it is when you’re trying to sleep, and you end up concentrating on the tiniest little things which are silent by day but echo through the stillness of night.

Do I prefer teddy bears to actual humans?  Of course! (No, not really 😉 ) The point is that I love being snug and warm; even in the height of ‘summer’ (I live in England so we don’t really have much of a summer!) I cover my bed in toys and blankets and cushions.  It’s super-comfortable and I love to sleep with the feeling of weight on top of me (behave) because I feel secure and warm.  I find it weird if my body doesn’t feel covered when I’m sleeping, and I can sense if the covers are too light.  But I also believe that with the right person, I would probably feel more at ease sleeping beside somebody, sharing comfort and warmth.  Perhaps it’s sad, possibly it’s a reflection of me that up until now, my sleeping partners have gotten on my nerves once it comes to the actual sleeping part.  But when the right person comes along and it feels right, perhaps I won’t mind their body heat and their touch reassuring me through the night.  Or at least they will know to give me a bit of breathing room!  Until then, you can just dick me up and then go home.