Posts Tagged ‘meltdown’

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mean / Tube update: Queensway and Bayswater.

February 7, 2012

I have been really irritable lately. On Friday evening we were at Toby’s flat and Christina was cleaning the kitchen and mopping the floor. I don’t know what possessed me, but I decided to go “See Toby, this is called ‘mopping’.” A few minutes later I realised that while Toby is indeed messy, there was no call for me to just criticise him out of the blue.

During my cooking of the lasagne on Tuesday, I kept my cool with the very frustrating ingredients and recipe for about 45 minutes before I snapped, started ranting about crushing garlic on Twitter and went for a cigarette. Now, although I can be somewhat impetuous, I know that I dislike cooking and I also know that I am not experienced and so things are likely to be frustrating – I should have had a bit more patience than that.

Then at the weekend, we went out to Soho for Christina’s birthday. We had a lovely meal at Ping Pong, but afterwards we were trekking through the snow for an hour trying to find our next venue. I was cold and wet, people were throwing snowballs in the streets and I got hit twice (which I think was really uncalled for, since I had not done anything to anyone), we lost half of our party, went into a random club which was full of people – and only 10 minutes later, just after I had put my bag down and taken my soaking coat off,  everyone decided that we were going to leave again and go somewhere else. But first everyone went to get cash. This was the breaking point for me and I told Toby that I could no longer handle all of this and wanted to just go home. With the snow, the crowds of people stranded in central London also trying to get home, and the tube stations and tube lines shutting down one by one, we had to walk in the snow, slush and crowds for 45 minutes before finally getting to Temple where we caught the District Line train back to Earls Court. We left Ping Pong at 9:30; we got back to my flat at midnight. I was thoroughly unimpressed.

And yet, I felt guilty. Although even writing this and reliving it as I do so, I feel justified in just wanting to get out of the situation and get home, I also feel mean for leaving Christina’s birthday early. I didn’t want to, but I also just couldn’t handle being out and cold and wet, wandering aimlessly and having snow thrown at me, and not being able to go home. But on balance, I had helped make her birthday cake (I rescued ganache, using the power of the internet!):

…wrote her card, was out last night for the restaurant-portion of the evening, and saw her again the following morning, so I had made an effort for her and things were all fine. But still, I don’t know why but lately I just feel like I am irritable to people and not as nice as I could be. I had a meltdown on Sunday with Toby – I felt trapped in by the snow, powerless to accomplish anything useful, and spiralling into depression and feeling utterly useless. After much understanding from him, I saw that I was being too hard on myself. Well, what’s new?

Following the emotional surgery, I uncovered that a lot of my frustration is to do with work. I will not say much more about this because I feel it would be unprofessional (and you never know who might be reading), but suffice to say that it’s called ‘work’ for a reason. Toby suggested that one thing I could do is make sure I take a proper lunch break and get out of the office, have some fresh air and a walk. So I have started doing this in earnest: and on Monday, I had a walk (trying not to fall over in the slush) and managed to add another two tube stations to my list: Queensway and Bayswater (after my initial failure when I walked to Paddington).

I worked out that I should also be able to walk to Lancaster Gate, Latimer Road and Royal Oak, so watch this space! I am hoping that not only will I get some additional exercise (and pictures!), but it will improve my mood (both daily and in the longer term). Fingers crossed 🙂

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Demi Lovato – Unbroken (album review)

October 4, 2011

My limited knowledge of Demi Lovato extended to: Disney, Camp Rock, annoying, an album cover that ripped off No Doubt’s Rock Steady, some sort of meltdown. After hearing her song “Skyscraper” on the almighty Popjustice and falling in love with that song’s vulnerability, raw vocal performance and defiant lyrics, I decided to investigate further. Beyond finding out that Demi had a really bad year last year, I found her new album Unbroken. And it would appear that Demi is becoming a grown woman.

Although the initial four tracks feature guest appearances that made me tremble with fear (Timbaland – I am sadly no longer filled with anticipation when I see his name in liner notes; Dev; Iyaz; Jason Derülo), the tracks were upbeat, fun and seemed determined to showcase Demi as a young woman (she’s still only 19!) who wants to party, have fun and flirt with guys. It seems a bit much to front-load what is essentially a coming-of-age album with such lightweight tracks, but they are frothy and hooky and will draw young listeners in. But from track 5, the waltz-time ballad “Lightweight”, Demi really gets down to business and things get really good. She gets to do more with her voice and showcase why she is almost certainly the best singer to emerge from the Disney teen bratpack. The title track is a defiant call-to-arms (“I’m gonna love you like I’ve never been broken / Tonight I’m letting go”) over a thumping dance-pop beat, while lead single “Skyscraper” still remains the standout, a tear-jerking ballad that has rightly been the biggest hit of Demi’s career to date. “In Real Life” is a sassy, soulful cut that skews R&B, with a vocal performance that sees Demi’s romantic fantasies ultimately realised. Closing track “For The Love Of A Daughter” is a plea to Demi’s alcoholic father to “put the bottle down”, and while it’s lyrically a little maudlin, Demi puts in a vocal that rivals Kelly Clarkson at her peak and shows that Demi hasn’t just been through a year where her most private problems came to light, but that she’s always dealt with tough issues that humanise her in the face of her teen counterparts. In a year filled with lacklustre releases, Unbroken is a pleasantly strong album that comes as a breath of fresh air and demonstrates the potential star quality that Demi is on the cusp of realising.