Posts Tagged ‘computer’

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lessons learned.

December 30, 2009

For my final blog post of the year, like I said, I’m not going to attempt to give a run down of my 2009.  I’m never very good at that and I either misfocus and weigh certain events too heavily, or completely miss stuff out.  However, in trying to cast my mind back, I’ve learned a lot this year.  Here are some of my lessons learned:

Just because they’re related to you by blood doesn’t mean your family will always love you or care about you.  Love is not the same as obligation.

Trusting your own motivation can lead you to places people never thought you could go.  That’s their limited imagination, not yours.

People whom you thought were your friends can turn around and stab you in the back.  It’s not your fault and sometimes you can’t see it coming.

Someone who might initially appear to come from a different walk of life could become your best friend.

There’s nothing wrong with spending money on yourself, as long as you have the money!

People should focus less on telling you what you shouldn’t do and more on accepting you for who you are.  Chances are, you already know better than them what is good/bad for you, and being reminded is both condescending and unhelpful.

Life is open plan, and there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ path; all we can do is follow our hearts and intuition as much as possible, and do what is ‘right’ for us.  That way, at least we have total ownership of our mistakes and our successes.

Marriage doesn’t change who you are, your sex drive nor whom you find attractive.

You’re never too old to fall crazy in love.  You can’t help your feelings, and there’s nothing wrong with having those feelings.

Usually, if you want to do something on a computer and you can’t work out how, there is some technician who has wanted to do it before you and subsequently invented a solution to your problem.  Google is your friend.

Don’t decide to up and learn a new language and consider emigrating on a whim.

Never give up hope.

Thankyou all for your support of this blog, my music and everything else this year! I really appreciate it and I wish you all a fantastic New Year’s Eve (let’s go party!) and a fulfilling 2010.  Here’s to the future!
Much love, Alan x
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dream (f/ Thore Schölermann & Brazil)

August 25, 2009

This is sort of becoming a dream blog!  This last week I have had so many vivid dreams, I feel almost privileged.  I have been all around Europe (France, Russia, Spain, Italy) and now I have visited a country I was praising only last week – Brazil!  These dream holidays are a lot cheaper than the real thing too 😉 It’s been a while since anyone plotted to kidnap or kill me (a usual fixture of my dreams), and in this one I have another hot boyfriend.

I was in a tropical forest atmosphere.  Me and my parents were on holiday in Brazil (I presume it was Brazil) and I was walking through the forest by myself.  There was beautiful scenery and a warm breeze was caressing my skin.  I found my boyfriend Thore Schölermann (HOT German soap actor from Verbotene Liebe, he plays Christian *sigh*… if I ever had a bf as hot in real life as I do in my dreams, I will be very lucky!) and we walked through the forest talking and being intimate occasionally kissing etc.  We sat on a grassy slope and ended up talking and lying together for ‘hours’.

Here are some pictures of what he looks like:

Then I went back to this hut which was a restaurant, and my parents were sat there with some random teenagers, and we were all preparing to have dinner.  I remember there being a little bit of an atmosphere between me and my parents, and I sat at the table and there was this small black bowl with a spoon.  Inside the bowl, there were slices of miniature kiwi with this white scoop of ice cream, but I don’t think it was ice cream.  I began to eat it, when my mother told me that I was eating it wrong – instead of eating with the bowl on the table, you had to put your knees up on the sofa and scrunch up, rest the bowl on your knees (apparently the bowl was “specially designed” for this) and eat it there.  I don’t know why, but this was the last straw for me and I slammed the bowl down on the table and stalked off.  I went back into the forest to try and find Thore, but I don’t think I did (it’s all a bit hazy now), and I realised I had left my phone on the dining table so I went back to the hut and walked around the outside watching my parents interacting with the teenagers.  My mum was complaining about how dramatic and sulky I was, and the teenagers were laughing.  I was upset at what my parents thought of me, but I knew I had to get my phone back, so I sucked it up, walked in the other end of the restaurant, circled the table and plucked the phone out from between the empty bowls.  My mother and the teenagers ignored me as if I weren’t there.

The next thing I remember was that we were at home, and me and my father were having another argument – I don’t even remember about what.  We ended up not speaking to one another and then I logged onto my laptop, and started reading his work emails.  We ended up communicating to each other via email, and we sorted it out.   I realised via his work emails that him and his colleagues would discuss their families, and although again I was described as “temperamental and moody”, I was also “the clever one”, so it wasn’t all bad.  I also found out that the reason why my dad sometimes got stressed was because he had to work until gone 8pm every night, except for on a Friday when he could finish at 6:45.  He had no chance of becoming a manager, whilst his colleagues didn’t have to work so many hours and a couple of them were being promoted.  I remember feeling bad for him as he must have been frustrated, so I resolved to try and be a little more patient before having arguments.  There was other stuff, but I don’t remember it (and I don’t think there was any more Thore 😦 ).


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ready for the good times.

August 7, 2009

I always have a fear that when I start writing so much about my personal life, or even about things which aren’t necessarily personal to me but involve my own thoughts or opinions on a particular matter, I might become a little bit negative or depressed. It’s happened before; I remember when I was 17 and my mother and I had a tempestuous relationship particularly during that time, she found my diary and read all the thoughts about how I felt trapped, how I was upset at her emotional games, and also how I had a massive crush on my teacher and we were quite close… (but not like that, which I had to make clear to far too many people!) It was hard, but it made me see that the more I fixate on certain matters or certain themes, the more I get caught up in a negative cycle.  Perhaps I’ve broken out of it now, I’m 6 years older and in a healthier and happier place (though still not satisfied 😉 ), but I don’t want to tempt fate.  I’m like anyone, sometimes I’m down, and I write about it.  I fall in love and get my heart broken, and I write about it.  I don’t really hide anything on this blog, you read it and you’re reading a little part of who I am.  So as well as the downs, I just want to be thankful and appreciative of the ups.

After talking to Davina and Karina about my heart and R (and already knowing what they would say about it), we went to watch The Hangover.  I knew I would hate it, and I did, though there were a couple of parts which got me to chuckle nevertheless.  I was unimpressed by the film and my mind began to wander.  Me and R had been texting during the day (work was boring yesterday) and then my phone ran out of battery so I couldn’t text him back… I was wearing the Opium again and I’d had a boring day at work, which wasn’t proving to be what I expected.  So I was down.

Today has been a totally different story.  I got a cheap lunch at Subway thanks to a great radio promotion on Heart Radio (£1.20 for a 6″ sub & medium drink, bargain!), I had a great day at work as my boss was working from home, I got computer access and I didn’t have to do so much lifting.  The sun was shining all day, I looked nice in my Prada sunglasses and maroon tshirt, and when I got home, I found that my hopes had come true and I have secured funding for university and my Careers Guidance course.  I am so happy and so relieved, because although I would have gotten a loan from the bank had I not received funding, obviously I prefer not to have to pay the money back!!!  I am hoping to use the extra money to finally get my driving licence and get on the road!!!  So things are looking up, and I want to just make a record that I am grateful and I try to absorb the positivity to counter the negativity that I encounter and sometimes can’t help but take in.