Posts Tagged ‘2010’

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top 15 albums of 2010.

January 2, 2011

It’s that time again! Last year my list had 20 albums on it; this year, due I think to the generally deteriorating quality of popular / mainstream music, I have chopped the list down to 15 – if I had 20 albums on it, there were inevitably a couple of albums on the list which had but a handful of good tracks. This does not necessarily make a good album – so for the sake of quality over quantity, this year my list is shorter and sweeter.  Enjoy and comment if you like / dislike / agree / disagree!

15. MonicaStill Standing (check my review here!)

Highlights: Still Standing, Stay Or Go, Love All Over Me, Believing In Me

Skip: If You Were My Man

14. Diddy – Dirty MoneyLast Train To Paris

Highlights: Yeah Yeah You Would, Angels, Hello Good Morning, Coming Home

Skip: Someone To Love Me, Shades, Loving You No More

13. The-DreamLove King

Highlights: F.I.L.A., Abyss, February Love, Florida University, Take Care Of Me, All Black Everything

Skip: Make Up Bag, Sex Intelligent (Remix), Yamaha, Veteran

12. Toni Braxton Pulse (check my review here!)

Highlights: Yesterday, Make My Heart, Hands Tied, Lookin’ At Me, Wardrobe, Why Won’t You Love Me

Skip: If I Have To Wait, Hero

11. Teairra MaríPoint Of No Return mixtape

Highlights: Detroit, Body, Girl Power, Coins, My Lovin’, Holla, Over

Skip: Super High

10. Jazmine SullivanLove Me Back

Highlights: Holding You Down (Goin’ In Circles), Good Enough, Stuttering, Famous, Luv Back

Skip: Don’t Make Me Wait, Redemption

9. Nicki MinajPink Friday

Highlights: I’m The Best, Roman’s Revenge, Save Me, Check It Out, Your Love, Girls Fall Like Dominoes

Skip: Did It On’Em, Fly, Last Chance

8. Janelle Monáe The ArchAndroid (check my review here!)

Highlights: Dance Or Die, Cold War, Tightrope, Oh Maker, Say You’ll Go, BabopbyeYa

Skip: Mushrooms & Roses, Neon Valley Street, Wondaland

7. ShakiraSale el Sol

Highlights: Loca, Antes De Las Seis, Gordita, Lo Que Más, Islands, Tu Boca

Skip: Sale El Sol, Addicted To You, Mariposas

6. CiaraBasic Instinct

Highlights: Ride, Gimmie Dat, Heavy Rotation, You Can Get It

Skip: nothing!

5. Kanye WestMy Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Highlights: Dark Fantasy, Power, All Of The Lights, Monster, Runaway

Skip: Gorgeous, So Appalled, Hell Of A Life

4. DrakeThank Me Later

Highlights: Fireworks, Over, Up All Night, Fancy, Shut It Down, Unforgettable, Find Your Love

Skip: Show Me A Good Time, Thank Me Now

3. SadeSoldier Of Love

Highlights: Soldier Of Love, Babyfather, In Another Time, Skin, The Safest Place

Skip: Morning Bird, Bring Me Home

2. M.I.A. /\/\ /\ Y /\

Highlights: Steppin’ Up, XXXO, Lovalot, It Takes A Muscle, Tell Me Why, Illygirl

Skip: Teqkilla, Story To Be Told

1. Christina AguileraBionic (check my review here!)

Highlights: Bionic, Woohoo, Elastic Love, Lift Me Up, You Lost Me, Vanity, Bobblehead

Skip: Prima Donna, My Girls, Birds Of Prey

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making faces. (aims for 2011)

December 26, 2010

Hannah and I have come up with a new phrase: “making faces” = “making money”. It comes from a quote by some movie character or rapper – I really don’t remember who, but Hannah picked it up. Apparently, having “big faces” means that you are rich (I guess from the faces which are on money notes). By extension, “small faces” must mean small amount of money, and thus “making faces” must be making or earning money. I imagine “making faces” to be said to the tune of Usher’s “Trading Places”. My head is a funny place.

Anyways, in my pursuit of making faces, I have decided to clear out my room and I’m selling 90 or so CDs, and about 30 DVDs that I really have no use for anymore. What’s more, I have bundled up my old Playstation 2, leads, controllers and games as I haven’t touched them in nearly 2 years (since I got my PS3) and I might as well gain the extra space and some money at the same time.  As I am now saving up for a car, every little will help so why not make some faces and some spaces at the same time?

Talking of which, as I somehow accomplished all of my aims for 2010 (boyfriend, driving, job), let’s make my list of aims for 2011! Here goes:

1. Buy a car.

2. Get a job in London.

3. Move to London.

4. Stay with Toby and make sure that our relationship grows even stronger!

5. Buy a new microphone and record a new album.

6. Pay off my credit card and student overdraft.

There. That should keep me going for a while! And although this year I have more goals than last year, I feel confident that I can achieve them all and if anything, my success this year has only made me optimistic that next year will be even more momentous! I am sure that it will have its setbacks but as Happenstance dictates, it’s not what happens but how you capitalise on unforeseen circumstances and make strides towards your goals that really counts. I proved this year that I can do well, and next year is going to be better! I hope that you all had a very Merry Christmas and I wish you all a fantastic 2011.  Let’s do this! xxx

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dreams do come true!

December 15, 2010

I passed my driving test!!!!

At last. This has been hanging over me since I was 18 (I am now 25, so 7 years) and I’d got to the point, that although I was trying to let common sense prevail when I failed a couple of months ago and be rational about it (and I received some good advice from friends that ultimately turned out to be correct), I didn’t have faith in myself. I didn’t think this would happen for me – I just figured that everyone had something that they just couldn’t do no matter how they tried, and driving was that for me.

I am pleased to say that I was wrong! This morning, I didn’t want to face the day and I could barely get out of bed – I am never like that. Come lunchtime (my test was at 3:30 in the afternoon), I went back to bed and tried to pretend like the day wasn’t happening – I felt more mentally unstable than I did last time, and part of me felt like there was no point even trying to take the test. I was so sure I would fail. Driving has been the only thing I ever felt like that about, and I felt like a hypocrite when I was telling other people not to give up, because I sure felt like giving it up and throwing the towel in, especially today.

But now, with my success in my pocket (and my last aim for 2010 completed before the end of the year! – better late than never 😉 ) I can assure everyone all the more that you have to keep trying, and you should never give up on anything. I felt like I would love to not even go to the test centre, but I knew in my heart that I could not let the chance pass me by. And after 20 minutes of the test, with my questions, my reverse around the corner, and a couple of hill starts behind me, I peeked at the examiner’s sheet and he had barely written anything. Good sign. So I thought to myself “all the difficult stuff is behind me now, so if I haven’t fucked up by now, I should do ok, and I CAN DO THIS.” My self-esteem took a big leap back up. And sure enough, I proved that I could do it, and I did it. I am patting myself on the back right now, but I am also saying this because I want everyone to know that we can do anything we put our minds to.

I felt like a failure for 7 years. Driving is the only thing I had ever really failed, and it took me a long time but I have conquered that obstacle and there is no reason for me to be ashamed anymore. I had to be brave so many times (including today), and so many times I felt like I had been kicked in the teeth and had to start all over again. Hell, for 5 of those years, I didn’t have the money nor the strength to get in a car. But with my life starting to turn around once I had started the Careers Guidance course, made some terrific new friends, found a wonderful man to stand by my side and realise that I could get a decent job, I decided to step back in the car and give it another shot. And it has now paid off.

Please NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. I am unfortunately going to be milking this story as a triumph over adversity (and I know that there are very many people who experience much more adversity than learning to drive – I’m not trying to be insensitive or naïve, but this has been the thorn in my side), so get used to it 😉 But I want to support everyone who reads this to keep trying, no matter how pessimistic you feel, no matter how the odds are stacked against you. Because when you least expect it, success might just be around the corner. 🙂

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me first.

November 20, 2010

I’ve had enough time to get my future on track, and this year I have made great steps towards achieving what I ultimately want to do. Once I pass my driving test and get a car, I’ll be a lot closer to liberation and being a free agent; I can move out and have my own mobility.

With this in mind, I find myself constantly checking myself with regards to my attitude to the future. When I get nervous about driving, and I feel like (for various reasons) it’s never going to happen for me and “why don’t I just take the hints that I am not built to do this”, I remember that I am the only one who can be responsible for my life. Everybody feels weak sometimes, and that’s fine; but I have to make sure I don’t cross the border from feeling weak to being weak. I am in control of my own life, and that’s what it comes down to.

So when I’m at work and I feel frustrated by colleagues who seem to have nothing better to do than squabble with one another, make everyone else feel alienated, and ultimately act in direct contrast to their job description of being open, friendly and communicative, with excellent listening skills – that’s no reflection of me. I should not feel cowed by this, because I do my job well and I have done absolutely nothing wrong. My life, my destiny – it’s all good and I shouldn’t let others and their displacement of emotions affect that.

Likewise, I ultimately see myself almost definitely moving to London in the near future. Obviously, Toby being based there is a big draw for me. But I finally am waking up to the fact that I have to do this for me. My independence, my friends, my boyfriend, my career, my financial and professional development. I hope that me and Toby will be together for a very long time. But if not, does that mean that I should never try to move to London for myself? Of course not!  So I’m continuing to look for job vacancies there. Once again, I am going to be gracious and loving towards everyone I can be (who deserves it!), but I am also going to put myself first because I deserve it. This is my life, and we only get one. I spend so much time trying to keep the peace, to make other people happy, and while I can be materially selfish and spend money on myself no problem, I need to emotionally value myself too. We all do. The way that I can keep making progress like I did in 2010 is to be held back by nothing and no-one and reach for the stars.

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successful.

October 28, 2010

Today I took my driving test for the first time in over 6 years, and I didn’t pass. I am a bit gutted, but at the same time I knew that in my heart of hearts, I was capable of passing, but I was unlikely to do it this time. I did better than I thought I would and it’s a nagging annoyance that I only made one big mistake – my approach speed to junctions, which was too fast because of my nerves – and the rest was good. Knowing that I’m capable of passing my driving test and I can drive pretty well makes it infuriating that my nerves get the better of me in an examined situation, but I am nearly there and next time I will do it – this test was the nearest I’ve come to passing. As long as I don’t rush myself, I’ll be fine! I’m a bit nervous about how I’m going to be travelling to work for the next 6 weeks, but I have a work colleague who lives around the corner from me and has already kindly offered her services. I just don’t like to impose.

 

I am disappointed that I couldn’t tie in a driving success to the other high points of this year (although if I get a cancellation, it might still be possible!), but I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I do put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve, and I fervently wish that I had not stopped taking tests when I was 18. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! But I just have to keep my head to the sky and live up to my stubborn / determined nature. I won’t give up! The positive is that I now have more time to save up for a car, and I made myself feel better by paying off some money from my credit card and from my student bank account. Doing sensible things with my money seemed like the best way to make light of an unfortunate situation. I thought I would indulge in some retail therapy, but I arrived in the centre of town and the urge had left me; which is a good thing for my bank account! I am seeing Toby for his birthday tomorrow (wish him a happy birthday here!) and I knew that whatever the outcome of today’s test, I would have that to look forward to. We are going to Thorpe Park this weekend for Fright Night, and I’m looking forward to seeing the Saw maze and going on the rides; I haven’t been to a theme park since I visited Alton Towers when I was 18. So I’m determined to put this little failure behind me (which I will redress – I have come too far now to give up again! If I’m not meant to drive – and this has occurred to me in low moments, including today – then a big sign is literally going to have to come down from the sky and smack me upside the head) and enjoy the rest of my week off before I return to work on Monday.

 

I guess this is what people mean when they say that you sometimes have to fight hard for what you believe in. I have fought hard and worked hard, but hard work comes easy to me in a way; I was raised with an intense work ethic. I have been blessed with a good brain for achieving academically, and I put in the work to back it up; it was never really difficult for me, but I took no prisoners just so that I could be lucky enough to have an educational career that puts most to shame. I learned to sing from Mariah Carey albums (and a variety of others, but she will always be the ultimate for me) and I never questioned that I would be able to have a voice like that; lo and behold, my whistle register is not as good as hers (owing to my Y chromosome) but other than that I’m pretty much there. I have always loved singing, playing the piano and guitar, and writing and producing my own songs – I have an innate musicality, I suppose, and although mastering software and songwriting structures alike has required perseverance, I’ve never found it particularly difficult to make progress. Once I found the right man (and he is truly amazing!), the troubles I had in my previous dating life more or less melted away and now I find it easy to be in love. The aspects of relationships that I found challenging, I have worked to resolve and they are mainly down to my own insecurities and upbringing. I have many good friends (communicating and social skills have been a strong point of my personality, hence my current vocation working with young people in a college), and I learned some hard lessons during my school life which has enabled me to judge someone’s character and thus gather a tight circle of very good people to whom I am indebted for my sanity, among other things! (I appreciate y’all and I enjoy y’all – never forget it! 😉 ) I am often complimented on my sense of fashion and style, and that has always come effortlessly to me (because, in part, I am a potent combination of vain and fussy); I observe the latest trends and fashions, and then cast aside 90% of it, retain the things I like and add them to a style I hope is elegant, classic, timeless and most importantly, me.

 

The two things in my life that I have found most difficult are: losing weight in order to attain a body that I am happy with; and learning to drive. I am more or less happy with the way that I look now, although it’s always a work in progress, and I could do more exercise than I currently do! I will work on it. But I have taken 20 years to get to a point where I am not repulsed by what I see in the mirror, and that is a very positive thing. Passing my driving test will hopefully not take me 20 years! But I have to take pride in the fact that I have a good work ethic and am willing to put in the work to achieve my goals. Success is an uphill struggle but I need to learn to appreciate the things that have come easily to me, because there are a hell of a lot of them and I should be thankful for them. I’m a lucky person, and I’m not a complacent person. I just have to keep going a little bit longer, and never give up.