Archive for the ‘internet’ Category

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detective.

July 27, 2009

So some scandalous guy-type things happened today!  Firstly, after seemingly vanishing off the face of the earth (no use of internet, no texting, his phone going straight to voicemail) for 4 DAYS, B texted me out of the blue today… no mention of my offer to see Harry Potter from Thursday. He’d been out on Saturday night and had only just recovered.  Fair enough… but his ability to appear one minute and be perfectly lucid and then disappear and be uncontactable for days on end is a bit insane.  I can’t go for that.  I did reply to his text today, as nonchalantly as possible (I finally have some work! Am starting at the hospital tomorrow afternoon 🙂 🙂 🙂 )… again, no response as of yet.  I’m over it!

Something which shocked me a bit more, and which is the main focus of my blog today, is the revelation behind my online friend J (I have an ingenious scheme of protecting names).  We met on the dating site where I meet a lot of guys (including B, and a couple of people who have become genuine friends) and we exchanged texts in a relaxed manner.  We have met up in person once, it was fine and perfectly unassuming.  Since then, we’ve spoken often on msn (me doing most of the talking, he’s one of those “yeah / lol / cool” people whom you have to steer within the conversation) fairly often, and he is a holistic massage therapist.  So I had arranged to go to his place tomorrow evening, bottle of wine in hand, and get said massage… whatever happened afterwards, let it happen.  I had my eyes open, maybe nothing would have happened, maybe something… I wasn’t really bothered either way, but I was aware of the possibility.

Now, because I have my job starting tomorrow, I was going to cancel this arrangement because after my first afternoon at work the last thing I wanted to be doing was hanging around town waiting for this massage + possible extras.  So I go on msn, and sure enough J is there, but with a different picture to his usual one… and a picture I recognised from the site.  It was the picture of a man’s butt, assigned to a profile called “sexaddict” (not the profile I met J under!!!).  Within 5 seconds, J’s msn picture had changed to his usual face pic, and I had to ask… was the picture his? He said yes.  So I was like “ok, are you the sexaddict person from the site?” He logged off. AKA admission of guilt.  Now, me and J have flirted a tiny bit on the net, and he even told me “my body’s not sexy m8”.  So one moment, he is not sexy, and quite the shy and silent type.  The next minute, he is a “sexaddict” with his naked body online for all to see (though no cock, which is still fairly restrained compared to some of the guys on the site!) and declaring “NAKED BLINDFOLDED HANDCUFFED LUBED UP DOORS OPEN CUM GET ME”.  His lack of punctuation is the least of my worries.

I am not bothered that he was looking for sex online… that’s why 95% of the guys are on there!  I wouldn’t be averse to having sex with someone I met on there, it’s happened once or twice, though my rule of “not on the first date/meet” has always held, apart from one time.  And I don’t mind talking to J in the future, because he’s not a nasty person and has done nothing to me.  What I find weird is that he had two distinct personas – that of the professional, shy, quiet masseur who is polite and close to his family, and that of the desperate, horny, sex-starved slutty guy.  I mean, we hear stories about people on the internet not being who they claim to be, and that’s one of the risks we take with online chatting and dating.  And we hear plenty of stories about the most respectable of people having hidden dark sides.  Everyone gets their rocks off somehow, and there’s nothing wrong with J liking sex and looking for it online; I’m sure there are some who are happy to oblige.

But what creeps me out is that he tried deliberately to hide the sex-addict person from me, and I was going to go to his house for a massage!  I don’t know, he may well have been utterly professional… after all, I was being equally as flirtatious with him online beforehand (and I was quite restrained, I’ve been a bit more forward in other cases! 😉 ).  And he’s not usually the aggressor in sex, according to his sexaddict persona… But nevertheless, when someone deliberately hides such an important part of themselves, it feels like a deception, and I am glad that my little bit of detective work managed to uncover a scandal.  I’m sorry that I might have embarrassed him, but I really don’t mind talking to him again, I just wish he would have been a bit more honest about how sexy he really thinks he is (instead of claiming to be virginal and stoic, which is clearly a lie), and why he was on the site. Ah well, I’m sure that I will still get a massage from somebody one day!  Case closed.

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communication.

July 23, 2009

Certain situations lately have been making me think of the “Communicate” interlude from TLC’s Fanmail

“Communication is the key to life
Communication is the key to love
Communication is the key to us

There’s over a thousand ways
To communicate in our world today
And it’s a shame
That we don’t connect

So if you also feel the need
For us to come together
Will you communicate with me?”

We have so many avenues of communication open to us nowadays: face to face, email, telephone call, text message, blog, vlog, instant messengers, chatrooms and forums, twitter and social networking… It’s so easy to keep in touch with people (and now I can do it all on my beautiful Prada phone, more or less!) that it’s almost overwhelming choosing the method of communication.  Do you text, email, write a letter, call on the phone?  Different people suit / prefer different methods, and some are more anonymous while others are intimate and suggest more effort and attention.  A situation last night occurred where I sent a text message to B to see how he was, and he didn’t reply because his phone was on silent… meanwhile, he sends me a message on a different, completely unrelated site asking me how my day had been and everything! I was touched that he thought of me as much as I of him… but it was a bit frustrating that there are so many avenues of communication open to us that it is almost a problem to remember to be consistent!  You can hit me up on twitter, myspace, vox, last.fm, facebook, on my cell (well, if you have my number 😉 ), email, msn… how do people choose?  And is it not surprising that problems occur when we don’t check all of these different places for messages every day?
The other thing I quickly wanted to address tonight is why I am writing this blog.  In my introductory post I was in a bit of a crazy mood and I was being inspired by Bai Ling‘s insanity… but now I realise that that is something special that cannot be duplicated!  As fun as it sounded at the time, I don’t really think I am into aping Bai Ling (well, not often). And surprisingly, I have my own things to say! I’m touched that people are taking the time to read, be it my views on relationships, the internet, sexuality or just life, and the music reviews and videos and downloads I post for you all. 🙂  It’s thrilling that I can share myself so openly with you all, and I’m touched that you are all reading it and keeping up with me! I hope that you keep coming back because at the moment I still have plenty to write about (how’s that for tempting writer’s block! 😛 ) and I have lots of music-related stuff in store also. 😉 At the end of the day, this blog allows me to communicate in a more full way than twitter (my other current favourite avenue of inet-based communication), which is definitely great for on-the-go updates of where I am and what I’m doing… but this blog here allows me to expose my thoughts and communicate with you all on a deeper level.  Thankyou for listening, and please don’t hesitate to communicate with me, however you prefer.
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easy to get.

July 14, 2009

When my friends would ask me for dating and relationship advice, one of my steadfast rules would always be to play hard to get.  Along with not going all the way on the first night, and meeting in a public place, I would always recommend playing hard to get because it makes you more tantalising to the other person.  Why shouldn’t you be chased a little bit?  And if they don’t make a little bit of effort in pursuing you, they’re probably not worth it.

That’s what I would say, anyway.  But of course it’s so much easier when you’re the person giving the advice than when it’s your turn to follow that advice.  There are two problems that I currently have with playing hard to get.  1) If you play hard to get and act like you don’t care (ice king / queen was always a good thing to me), they may also be playing hard to get and you end up drifting apart. Or they might end up thinking you genuinely aren’t interested and don’t care, which triggers unfortunate backpedalling on your part that comes across ultimately as a little desperate.  2) This time, I don’t even seem to want to play hard to get.

Call it laziness, call it hypocritical. But I’ve been talking to this guy for a few days now and it feels like we are fully into the flirting stage.  We already had some potentially awkward conversations about sex, relationships, family, jobs, money… and those have more or less been navigated without a hitch.  The fact that he is able to converse with me in a full and sensible way, without waiting around for me or texting me constantly suggests that he is both balanced and has a brain (which puts him above 80% of the people whom I have met in a potential dating capacity… usually the potential is not capitalised upon).  He’s attractive (take my word for it).  He is definitely who he says he is, and he knows that I am who I say I am.  We both seem to admit to having our flaws.  I don’t detect any hint of fakeness so far, we don’t agree on absolutely everything but we have a fair amount in common, which is realistic I guess.

And so I’ve spent the last 3 or 4 nights talking to him until 2am, which is something I only usually do with my closest friends.  I’m under no illusions that I haven’t even met him in person yet, so this can quite feasibly all come crashing down if we don’t mesh as well in person as we do online. But I’m also aware that it’s been a long time since the portents were so promising… we’ve grown to flirt a lot, and we talked about things I am not going to mention in polite company (that’s you, dear reader) and he ended the conversation with that kiss emoticon thing, and my “mwah” in response.  He was going to have a shower, he was going to watch a film and he ended up speaking to me the whole night and putting aside his other plans.

The best part of it (well, all the parts are good really) is that we were trading youtube videos of songs and apart from them pretty much all being romantic in nature (I slipped in Janet Jackson’s Warmth at the end because I am a tease and that is the part about you being polite company and that’s all I’m going to say about it at this point 😛 ), we have the same taste.  This is such a rarity, I am honestly over the moon!  We diverge on a couple of things (he played me this dance chipmunk version of Belinda Carlisle’s “Summer Rain” which was atrocious, but sorta funny; for some reason he is not into Ciara that much) but generally we agree.  Here are a couple of the things he played me:

And here are some of the things I played him:

See what I mean? All sexy and romantic songs… I recommend listening to the ones that I chose in particular (hahahahaha!). 😉

Usually with my friends I end up drawing them to my music taste (I got both of my best friends to fall in love with Danity Kane), but in this case it may not even be necessary, as long as I don’t hear any more chipmunk music. I know I’ve inspired two of his msn usernames in the past day, and I’m even prepared to go back to this atrocious club I swore I’d never set foot in again, only because that’s where he fancies going.  Hard to get has more or less gone straight out of the window, and I know that I need to be careful but at the same time we still get on with our own lives.  Like I literally just spoke to him now (as I was writing this) and we had a brief conversation (he is redecorating his room) and then he was just like “Gotta go / have a good day / xx”.  The “xx” is very important (you shouldn’t need me to tell you!) but I find it so refreshing that he makes the effort, but still has his own life.  Like I said, it’s about having a balance I think, and I find it reassuring that we haven’t fallen head over heels for each other, because that would be a bit unrealistic and dangerous at this point.  If you asked me, I would still recommend playing hard to get and not being available the whole time, because I believe that normally that is the best approach (hypocrite alert! I know, I know). But at the same time, it’s nice to have someone to flirt with, something that looks so genuinely positive, and even if my policy of hard to get is going out of the window on this occasion, at least I’m having fun.

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a quick thankyou.

July 9, 2009

Okay, while I was sleeping the views for this blog have rocketed a little bit! So I just wanted to take this time out to thank everyone; I hope that it continues, I hope that you enjoy what you’re reading and I just wanted to thank the nice people who’ve left comments so far, and all you guys for reading… I really appreciate you and enjoy you and I hope that the blog keeps growing and that you keep coming back to visit 🙂

I also just made over 100 followers on twitter, without really doing anything! So everyone who is following me, I am glad that I am interesting to you, even though I can’t really understand why! I have to make a special mention of DSquared2, the fashion designer brothers, who started following me the other day – I am extremely flattered, and I don’t know what I said that was so interesting for them to be following me, but I just hope that I keep it up!

Keep reading, I’m getting ready to launch my new album, and then it’ll be a twitter / myspace / last.fm / blog takeover!!!  Catch you later…