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1 month.

September 6, 2009

Today I found out that one of my mother’s friends and ex-colleagues, Jill, passed away on Friday.  It wasn’t a shock in itself, because she had been in a coma before that and had been suffering from cancer.  But what was shocking was that it was only a month ago that she had been walking around, completely unaware that she had cancer and that in one month, she was going to die.  That is the most shocking part of the story to me.  She had a couple of weeks where she found it really hard to get up in the mornings and go to work, and was chronically fatigued and not feeling 100%… eventually she went to the hospital, and after spending several days having tests, it was confirmed she had cancer and had not long left to live.  She deteriorated so rapidly, and within the last week, she left a heartbreaking message on my mother’s phone telling her not to come and visit, but to cherish her family and life… I listened to the message and the sound of Jill’s voice was truly sad.  Within a month, everything was being taken away from her and she was being taken away from her family.  From what we found out on Friday during the day, she had slipped into a coma and died that evening.

I mean, I’m not saying that anyone does deserve this at all, but Jill was so nice and down to earth, I can’t imagine what it was like to go through that.  She didn’t smoke or didn’t drink excessively or have any bad habits that I am aware of; she had a happy marriage and two teenage boys, she had a part time job and seemed to like reading, socialising and going to the cinema.  She wasn’t the edgiest or most noticeable, but she was a nice everyday person just like you and me, and she was a mother and a wife and a friend.  I knew her fairly well while she worked with my mother, and we got on perfectly fine.  And now she’s not here anymore.  It’s weird, and the hardest thing to accept is that within one month, someone can find out something so life-shattering, deteriorate so quickly and face leaving everything and everyone behind.

Obviously, the basic morals are that life is too short, you are not promised tomorrow, live for today blah blah blah.  It’s true, we all know those sayings, and I don’t need to repeat them here.  But if I had one month to live, what would I do?  I don’t really know to be honest… I don’t really have anything massive that I would just have to do before I died.  I wouldn’t see the point of going on holiday anywhere special because being so ill, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.  I would want to be near my family and friends, so I guess I would stay here. I thought of maybe spending my money on nice things, since I wouldn’t need to save for the future anymore, but what is the point of buying jewellery or fashion or entertainment value when in 1 month you’re not going to be able to enjoy it anymore and you’ve used up money you could have passed onto your family?  I suppose I would just do as many normal things as I could – go for coffee and conversation with friends, make sure I spoke to everyone I wanted to before I died, passed on my best wishes and such.  I guess I would make sure somebody had all my music and poems to upload onto the internet so maybe people could read them and share them even once I was gone.  But that’s about it… I can’t think of anything grand that I would do in such a situation, other than try to come to terms with it and make sure those closest to me knew how I felt about them.  What would you do?

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One comment

  1. […] I am… chase. ★ onyxparadise « 1 month. self-control. September 7, 2009 The past couple of days, I have been in various situations […]



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