
ready for the good times.
August 7, 2009I always have a fear that when I start writing so much about my personal life, or even about things which aren’t necessarily personal to me but involve my own thoughts or opinions on a particular matter, I might become a little bit negative or depressed. It’s happened before; I remember when I was 17 and my mother and I had a tempestuous relationship particularly during that time, she found my diary and read all the thoughts about how I felt trapped, how I was upset at her emotional games, and also how I had a massive crush on my teacher and we were quite close… (but not like that, which I had to make clear to far too many people!) It was hard, but it made me see that the more I fixate on certain matters or certain themes, the more I get caught up in a negative cycle. Perhaps I’ve broken out of it now, I’m 6 years older and in a healthier and happier place (though still not satisfied 😉 ), but I don’t want to tempt fate. I’m like anyone, sometimes I’m down, and I write about it. I fall in love and get my heart broken, and I write about it. I don’t really hide anything on this blog, you read it and you’re reading a little part of who I am. So as well as the downs, I just want to be thankful and appreciative of the ups.
After talking to Davina and Karina about my heart and R (and already knowing what they would say about it), we went to watch The Hangover. I knew I would hate it, and I did, though there were a couple of parts which got me to chuckle nevertheless. I was unimpressed by the film and my mind began to wander. Me and R had been texting during the day (work was boring yesterday) and then my phone ran out of battery so I couldn’t text him back… I was wearing the Opium again and I’d had a boring day at work, which wasn’t proving to be what I expected. So I was down.
Today has been a totally different story. I got a cheap lunch at Subway thanks to a great radio promotion on Heart Radio (£1.20 for a 6″ sub & medium drink, bargain!), I had a great day at work as my boss was working from home, I got computer access and I didn’t have to do so much lifting. The sun was shining all day, I looked nice in my Prada sunglasses and maroon tshirt, and when I got home, I found that my hopes had come true and I have secured funding for university and my Careers Guidance course. I am so happy and so relieved, because although I would have gotten a loan from the bank had I not received funding, obviously I prefer not to have to pay the money back!!! I am hoping to use the extra money to finally get my driving licence and get on the road!!! So things are looking up, and I want to just make a record that I am grateful and I try to absorb the positivity to counter the negativity that I encounter and sometimes can’t help but take in.
Posted in Thoughts, university | Tagged 17, adolescence, appreciating life, bank, bargain, blog, boss, careers guidance, computer, Davina, depression, driving, family, funding, Heart, hospital, Karina, licence, loan, Money, Mr Martyn, Mum, negativity, positivity, Prada, radio, Rob, Subway, sunglasses, sunshine, text message, The Hangover |
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