h1

spark.

August 3, 2009

I had another lunchtime meet with another guy, P, today.  I am going to keep things brief because I appreciate my string of various relationships is already getting quite complex (I will provide a spider diagram at some point 😉 ), but he isn’t one you’ll need to track.  He was nice enough, but not attractive to me physically, a bit shy, awkward and nerdy, and although the conversation didn’t run dry, I didn’t find anything we spoke about particularly memorable.  Onto the next.

Or the previous.  Poor P, because yesterday R was a damn hard act to follow.  Handsome, friendly, level-headed, close to family and friends, considerate, articulate (and being from Romania, English is not his first language) and just fun to be around.  Plus he has an interest / passion for perfume, and for travelling.  He was pretty much perfect on first impressions, and we spent a few hours together conversing, probing each others’ thoughts and opinions, talking about food, exercise, family, travelling, love, relationships, perfume, music… all my favourite subjects and more.  I introduced him to a couple of friends I bumped into, and he was courteous and chatty without monopolising a conversation, and when I apologised for socialising in the midst of our day, he said it wasn’t a problem and that it was lovely to see that I had friends whom I got on with so well.  I had the best time, and it was no effort – I was sad to leave him and say goodbye.  Of course, he revealed he had a boyfriend (my heart broke, I picked up the pieces and carried on outwardly as if nothing had happened) in Edinburgh, and then that he was considering returning to Romania in a few months depending on how his life went.  So it may never work.  But damn if I don’t want to follow him to Romania and give it a try – and at the same time escape the UK and all the bonds on my current life to somewhere new and undiscovered.  I can’t recall the last time I met somebody with whom I gelled so much (well, actually I can, but that time didn’t work for other reasons) and was so eager to see again.  Even just to stay friends with him, I would relish it because he was amazing and I had the best time.

Which leads me to ask, what is the “spark”?  I am one of those people who believes that if there is no spark between the two of you, then there is no point pursuing a relationship.  There has to be some sort of intangible magnetism, unspoken attraction that brings you both together.  It has to fit.  I’m not saying that a spark can be enough to hold a relationship together by itself – things are never that simple, and relationships take work and compromise and commitment (among many other things).  But if there is no spark, then what are you working / compromising / committing for?  What is the point of all that effort, forcing something that just isn’t going to work?  So that is why I very much believe in the power of the spark, not just for relationships, but for friendships too (when you hit it off with someone in a platonic way, it can be just as satisfying and thrilling – after all, friends can be for life!).  Because when fireworks explode and you’re floating on a rush of sparks, anything is possible and you feel like you’re on top of the world.  That makes this thing worth pursuing… because who knows what the future holds?

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