important.

First of all, a gift / apology for not having written in such a long time! This is a new (well, new to you guys!) song called “Important”, which I did nearly a year and a half ago now – just after I finished and released Quiet Storm, so it was too late to put it onto that album. I was inspired (as is probably evident) by Beyoncé’s “Broken-Hearted Girl” musically, while the lyrics were part of my attempt to delve a little bit deeper with my lyrics. One of my aims for my new album is to talk more eloquently and honestly about love and relationships, because over the past 18 months I have experienced love, experienced relationships and friendships in such a new way. In that respect, this song precedes the timeline for my inspiration, but still fits the brief It’s just a demo version and still needs a little polishing up (and of course there is no guarantee it’ll make the final tracklist) but I like it and I hope you do too

One of the things that the song talks about is knowing your priorities and having them straight, in a relationship and in friendships. I have lately had to reprioritise my own life – financially, my car has pretty much taken over and if I am going to London to see Toby, running my car, paying rent and affording all my unavoidable expenses, I have had to accept cutting back on luxuries. I go out for coffee / dinner / cinema less, which is a shame because that means I see less of my friends. I spend less money on clothes and entertainment, and although my lust for them is undiminished, I can’t entertain getting a pretty designer thingummy any time in the near future because I just need to spend the money on other things. Once I move to London, even though my salary will increase, the need to budget intelligently is only going to intensify. I was saying to Toby yesterday that perhaps although I was rationalising at the time (with a grin on my face as I never thought I’d have to go through with it), I am glad I got my fancy jewellery and phone and sunglasses and all my designer things over the last couple of years, because they are things I treasure and now I have to make them last – now that I have them, I don’t need to get any more! My iPod (which I have had for 2 and a half years – the longest surviving iPod yet!) recently started playing up, which greatly irritated me – especially as I got a brand new car stereo so I can plug my iPod into it and play whatever music takes me mood – and I have had to spend quite a few hours over the past few days fixing it, because I can’t survive without music and I simply can’t afford another one right now.

Beyond material things, I need to treasure my friendships and my relationship. The inconveniences I have listed above are just that – inconvenient but not life-threatening! A couple of years ago, I could literally not survive without my iPod. But now, I think I could do it. I wouldn’t like it, but I could do it – other material things such as my phone, my laptop, my car have taken precedence. But my priorities have changed also. What’s important to me is keeping my relationship with Toby happy (which it seems to be up to now, and I realise that this is something to truly cherish), being a good friend and keeping a good circle of friends around me (which I feel I now have), and moving to London and building a career and a life for myself. All of a sudden, having a nice place to live in the city, having a good job and financial stability are important considerations. When did I become a grown-up?

I watched For Colored Girls today, which I had been desperate to do – and now I am desperate to read Ntozake Shange’s original choreopoem, which I shall probably purchase tonight or tomorrow. It reminded me that all of us have our own issues, our own baggage and our own insecurities which we need to conquer, but too often we struggle alone with these burdens rather than shouldering them with our friends and family to both help us cope and draw us closer together. I saw my friend Sarah yesterday whom I hadn’t seen since November, and while it was really good to see her, I found that I didn’t really know what to say to her to connect and recapture the friendship we had at university. Hopefully this is just a blip and next time we get together we can have a more effective catch-up; after 45 minutes, she had to go, but before she left she told me “not to leave it so long next time!” My life has become busy to the extent that try as I might, I can’t see all of my friends as much as I would like. And this is a shame, because when I’m at home in Bristol I can easily get lonely and no matter how much music, how many possessions I have, how many films I watch or PS3 games I play, I still feel bored and cabin-feverish. So I cherish my friendships, I cherish my relationship and how lovely it is, I cherish the things that I have, I cherish my emotions and both my ups and downs. And the real priority is making sure that I remain grateful and don’t become complacent about everything that I have. I may not be satisfied, because I have so much more in my life that I want to accomplish – but I am somewhat happy with my life and that is a really Good Thing.

25.

In 2 hours, I will be 25 years old (and so will my twin Ciara – wish us both a happy birthday!). One year ago, I released my album Quiet Storm on this very blog! In the absence of new music (as I still haven’t bought my new microphone yet), you can stream my album on Soundcloud! Go and give it a listen if you haven’t already.

This is not the only accomplishment I have to be proud of. I am taking my driving test this coming week after finally making the decision to get back on the horse and get back in the car and get my licence. I hope that I pass; I wish I could visualise myself passing! I am a secret pessimist about it, but at the same time I also know that I am driving better now than I ever have, and that I really should pass. So hopefully I will be able to actualise this ambition and get a car. I also made a new best friend and I have a proper job, at last! Again, not too much that I can talk about with regards to that on here (in the interests of professionalism), but it feel good to have a decent salary and foot on the professional ladder. My other aim, apart from a car, is to move out and get my own little flat. So this year has been pretty sweet, and in 2 months when I do my roundup of 2010, there will be many, many positive things to it, and hopefully I can add even more to my current list. After all, in 60 days, who knows what will happen?

This is the first birthday that I have been in love with somebody who truly loves me back. Toby and I have been together for nearly 10 months now, and in the grand scheme of relationships, it’s been pretty plain sailing. I had a wobble early on, but this relationship has given me so much in terms of teaching me to overcome my own fears and insecurities about being loved, deserving love, and being able to love someone back. Toby is utterly amazing, and I really look forward to seeing him on Friday when it’s his birthday and he opens his gifts. Long distance hasn’t been that difficult, because I guess that somewhere along the line I grew up and discovered that this is what I want. No drama, no second guessing, no rulebook of dos and don’ts, no playing hard to get; when you truly love someone and someone truly loves you, you just be together and love is simple and straightforward and wonderful. Relationships take compromise and work, but at the end of the day if the love is there then the compromise and work is easy to do. Toby and I are both working towards the same goal, we both want the same thing, and therefore any obstacle in our path gets trampled over without much difficulty. The only thing that causes me heart pangs is how much I miss him. Originally, when the prospect of Toby going to London first appeared, I thought that the space would be good, that seeing each other every other weekend would be a good thing as it would mean that we both have our own lives and wouldn’t suffocate one another.

This theory makes sense, in theory. However, in practice it’s getting harder to say goodbye at the end of each weekend. I am ready to be closer to him, and I think that he feels the same. One thing is that I never take this love for granted. I always wanted someone to love me, I always wanted to have somebody to care for and to reciprocate that, and now I have it. I feel like I am on top of the world. I saw my friend Helen this weekend, whom I haven’t seen in two years, and she said two things upon seeing me: that I look so thin (in a good way!), and that I look so happy. And I am! Although there is still stress in my life, this is one thing that has fallen into place so naturally and has really brought me peace within myself. In the past, dating felt like such a gamble, such a procedure like walking on eggshells just in case somebody’s nose got put out of joint (either mine or the other person’s). With Toby, this just didn’t happen, really – okay, at first it was a little bumpy while we got to know each other, but I always felt that our courtship was relatively straightforward, and every hesitant thought I had was of my own making. Those are gone now; I know what I want, and while I know that nothing is guaranteed, I feel that I have relaxed into my relationship and I can appreciate how happy it makes me with no apparent downside! I don’t believe that you need love to be complete; I am still working on completing myself, and I have many more personal and professional goals that Toby cannot help me with. But Toby has shown me that I am capable of and deserving of so much, and I hope that I give him as much happiness and serenity as he has given me. That has been the greatest benefit of all this year.

ave maria.

Above is my cover of Beyoncé’s “Ave Maria”, which I made for Toby as a 6-month anniversary gift.  The lyrics speak for themselves. After originally keeping it special for him, I thought that nearly 3 months later it’s time to let y’all hear it. I hope you enjoy it; I don’t think my microphone did it justice and I think that Beyoncé’s version is untouchable, but I am nevertheless pleased with how it turned out.  And Toby really liked it, which is the most important thing.

However, my other reason for posting it up here is to say that I have opened a Soundcloud account! It can be found under http://soundcloud.com/onyxparadise and I am currently in the process of uploading the entirety of Quiet Storm, as well as some other tracks. In the future, I will be uploading my new tracks there! I am starting to get excited about creating new music, and the concepts and themes of my new material will be quite different from before, I anticipate, and reflect my various life-changing experiences over the past year. In many respects, the past 12 months have been eye-opening, soul-shattering, emotional and have inspired a lot of growth.  It’s been without a doubt the best year of my life. I’ll share more on the concept of my new material as I create it and feel confident enough to expose it to the world. But the idea of it is forming in my head and has been for a while, and I am very excited. To this end, on Friday when I get paid, I will be paying off my credit card and buying a brand new microphone so that the quality of my recordings is much improved. Watch this space!

Quiet Storm Inspirations II. (download)

As promised, here is the “sonic mood board” that inspired my album Quiet Storm (which you can download here).  Where the last “Inspirations” album was comprised of songs that inspired particular facets of songs on Quiet Storm, this one is more indicative of what music I was listening to when I was inspired to create the concept of the album: nocturnal, sexy, emotional, romantic, soft and tough, vulnerable and strong in one go. As you will see from the tracklist before, it’s an R&B compilation through and through; I’d go as far as to say that these are some of the best contemporary R&B songs over the last 15 years (interestingly, quite a few of them are early Missy Elliott / Timbaland productions… I miss those days!).  Of course, the list is not exhaustive and I had to cut down from over 50 songs to the 19 that you see here; anyway, I hope that you will enjoy downloading the album, listening to the songs and perhaps discover some artists or some songs that you didn’t know, or hadn’t heard in ages.  Download link is at the bottom underneath the tracklisting.  Enjoy!!!

1. Aaliyah – We Need A Resolution (f/ Timbaland)
2. Ginuwine – Pony
3. Mariah Carey – The Roof
4. Ryan Leslie – Addiction (f/ Cassie & Fabolous)
5. Kelly Rowland – Flashback
6. Omarion – Ice Box
7. Janet Jackson – Empty
8. Toni Braxton – Rock Me, Roll Me
9. Shola Ama – (I Don’t Know) Interlude
10. LeToya – I Need A U
11. Dru Hill – Beauty
12. Nicole Scherzinger – Whatever You Like (f/ T.I.)
13. Nicole Wray – Make It Hot (f/ Missy Elliott & Mocha)
14. Brandy – Come As You Are
15. Total – Rain
16. Mýa – For The First Time
17. R. Kelly – Feelin’ On Your Booty
18. Rihanna – Question Existing
19. Sugababes – Maya

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DOWNLOAD

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Quiet Storm – Inspirations. (download)

So it’s been 9 months since I released Quiet Storm, my most recent album, and I recently had the idea of compiling the songs that inspired the record so that you could hear some of the wonderful tracks that inspire me. Some you will know, some I hope will be new to you and can open up your ears to new songs and sounds

Putting together all the songs last night, I realised I have far too many to keep to one album’s worth, so treat this as Volume 1: these are the songs that directly influenced songs, production or lyrics on the album.  Volume 2 will be more abstract, a mood piece which had songs that were instrumental when I was first creating the concept of the album.  As I’m starting to get ready to think about my next record, something that I like to do is think about what I want to say, and what songs epitomise the sound and concept I am going for: a sonic mood board, if you will. Volume 2 will try to recreate the sonic mood board I had for Quiet Storm.

So keep a look out for that, but for now here is Quiet Storm – The Inspirations (Volume 1) (click). Enjoy!  Liner notes are below

1. Mary J. Blige – Mary Jane - inspired the hook of “All Night Long”

2. Janet Jackson – Discipline - inspired the general feel of “All Night Long” – before I heard “Discipline”, “All Night Long” was my envisioning of how the track would sound.

3. Chris Brown – Take You Down – namechecked in the lyrics to “All Night Long”

4. The-Dream – Falsetto – inspired the general feel and production of “Hook Boy”

5. Beyoncé – Diva – inspired the hook in “Hook Boy”

6. Delta Goodrem – Believe Again – inspired the production and gradual build in “Secret”

7. Cassie – Nobody But You – sampled in “Touch Me”

8. Jennifer Lopez – Waiting For Tonight (Hex Hector Mix) – I was listening to this song when I started writing “Quiet Storm”

9. Danity Kane – Right Now – inspired the general feel and piano / bass lines in “Quiet Storm”

10. Lil Wayne – Got Money – namechecked in the bridge in “Quiet Storm”

11. Mariah Carey – H.A.T.E.U. – the full song had not come out, but I was obsessively listening to the LQ snippet of this song and it inspired the production and rewrite of “Jump Off (Part II)”.

12. Solid Harmonie – When We Kiss (Missing You) – sampled in “Kissing You”; important for the concept of Quiet Storm as a whole.

13. Mis-Teeq – It’s Beginning To Feel Like Love – sampled in “In Love”

14. Rihanna – Umbrella – inspired the vocal ad-libs towards the end of “Come Home To Me”

15. Janet Jackson – Take Care – inspired the backing vocals in “Come Home To Me”; again, another song that was instrumental in the concept of the album.

16. Paulina Rubio – Sexi Dance – sampled in “Last Chance”.

17. Ciara – Work – sampled in “Last Chance”; the song was originally inspired as a cross between this and…

18. Beyoncé – Get Me Bodied (Extended Mix) – …this! I loved the hard R&B feel that just made you want to dance, I enjoyed the fearlessness of having an extended mix and ending an album on an uptempo.

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There you have it! Keep an eye out for volume 2, and of course, if you haven’t yet heard my album Quiet Storm, you can download it here Much love